PIRATE. BATMAN. Seriously, the only way to make that better would be to put “with a jetpack” on the end. I don’t…even have words for the amount of awesome in those two words alone. Pirate Batman. *disbelieving headshake* It’s just too rad.

Rad is my new word. I like it. It’s like “bitchin’ “. It’s all retro and nifty.

Also, I joined the new Mystery Google extension, Mystery Missions. It’s…kind of making my life. I haven’t actually done anything yet – because that would be proactive and, psh, I am a reactive girl all the way – but still. It’s epic. I’m tempted to post a mission for someone to text me, just to see if anyone would.

So…friend of mine’s boyfriend got her flowers today, just because. One – that is totally adorable, and only makes me love him all the more. I really am v. happy they’re together, even if he is from Boston. But she’s from Jersey, so I guess it works. Two – got me thinking about last Valentine’s Day, when my own dearly beloved got me flowers. Aside from it being the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me – and that includes the time Phylicia pushed a girl down on the playground in fifth grade for yelling at me – it got me thinking about reactions. Her reaction to this delightful gift was rather smiliar to mine – ecstasy, of course, and lots of girly giggling, but awkwardness at the same time. We don’t know how to react when people do nice things for us.

We are naturally suspicious. Of everything.

Now, military men (and ladies) will tell you that’s a good thing. CONSTANT VIGILIANCE! (points on your behavior chart if you get that reference) Unfortunately, it makes real life a bit of a pain. So in the interest of all those out there with trust issues, here’s a little PSA for the loved ones and acquantainces who don’t understand why being nice elicits wary looks and a muttered, “Uh…thanks. I think”:

Fact 1: It’s not your fault. It’s not you your girlfriend/boyfriend/friend doesn’t trust. It’s the world! Watch a few episodes of Criminal Minds. You’ll start wondering why that car is following you so close, too.

Fact 2: It’s fucking frustrating. Your boyfriend wants to trust you, really. He does. He doesn’t want to be all jealous and nervous and easily upset. He wants to make his head believe what his heart knows – that you are a perfect angel with fluffy feathers comin’ out your ass. It’s just difficult. So don’t hit him with your purse.

Fact 3: You are not the only one. We don’t trust anyone, including our own mothers. In fact, the only person we do trust is Julie Andrews, because…uh, hello. Julie Andrews.

Thank you for your attention. Please feel free to help yourselves to coffee and cookies at the back.

In happier news, Phineas and Ferb are having a Christmas special. Christmas is in 15 DAYS, Y’ALL. That is just over two weeks. Motherfuckin’ Christmas. Gets closer every year, I swear.